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It rains... this rain seems like a miracle to heaven: I would pay for it. I open the often closed window of my room: a thousand drops of water fall, between the ruscelli tiles and the gutters are resurrected from the water that refreshes and purifies the air.

I'm looking for peace because I don't feel well: I'm dizzy, I have headaches and nausea. I've lost my "few" health these months.

I fight between emotional and physical, I fight against monsters who know if there are or not. I fight against the cold but also against the excessive heat; I try to keep myself away from all that is destructive even if someone might argue otherwise... his judging voice has lost some importance to me.

The piano sounds but the music is low volume and they say it has a therapeutic effect... it's Emiliano Toso's music. In fact, sometimes listening to it would seem like I felt better and today... the rain and music inspired these words of mine... with which I would like to pamper myself in a moment of safety and protection from what makes me sick.

I would / want to welcome and feel welcomed ... I want to replace the race the slow pace of proceeding calm, the shouting silence.

To violence peace, to invasion respect.

I put an arm in the mosquito net hole that made "our" cat and let the drops of water sting my hand; I look at the sky, I breathe the air.

"I lose myself" in the green of the leaves and the "my illness" of not feeling ready, of not feeling well to accept the demands of the outside.

Love, just Love I want to hear.

The music sounds after this busy and full day when I collided with fears and fainting.

Looking for heat in too cold, trying to cool in too much boiling. I look for an oasis in the sand. I look for human people with whom to exchange feelings and find the same harmony of communication and exchange.

Tomorrow I have a second new obstacle that has made me a little afraid today. It'll be fine, I tell you.

This morning I knew that after the obstacle I would see you and when this moment arrived I felt the pleasant breeze of a Martian who looks at the sky and sees his planet again.

It'll be almost a week before I see you again. If I think about it better then it is not so: it is not even five days but when something is good you can’t wait for it to come back.

I look for human warmth if it is cold, I look for fresh if it is too hot because maybe it is the middle way that escapes: a difficult balance.

For now, lucky you're there, we hope that tomorrow, in some way, will be fine!

 

Last winter, in February (which still has to come this year) I wrote about a deep pain.
It is no different today in late January of this new 2019.

In September / October 2018 I perceived that a difficult period would come and so it was. In these months I feel that I have lost the perception of health, energy, enthusiasm. I feel tired, irritated in my stomach and airways. The environment around me is... heavy and my thought began to migrate towards the search for lighter fantasies.

In December, overwhelmed by the feeling of suffering, I asked to find contact with the magic and indeed it was. The crossing is difficult, the storm is strong but the dream and the magic is a bit rekindled in me.

It's not all bad. If my music learning meeting has stopped I have to recognize that a new person has entered my life. I resumed attending a space of psychotherapy, fortunately finding humanity in a new form even if in a narrow and relatively short space.

My contact with Enya’s music has strengthened and I have visited Ireland mentally several times.

On January 19, 2019, you left us, this afternoon (23 January) around 3:30 p.m. you became "terra".

The fire that transforms you took you away without me seeing you one last time!

It's hard Lidia.

There is and I feel a great emptiness!

You greeted me a few days ago (telephonically after so much that we didn't feel), already in the new year with advice on my future, advice I took and welcomed and then decided to follow.

The sun shone elsewhere today, not here.
Snow and gray without you.
The most beautiful moments of my entire childhood are due to you and the magical husband with whom you colored my world.

I love you, I'm gonna miss you! I keep a rock that you gave me, it represents a face and behind the written Lydia.
A blue painting... vortex of the life you painted. I think you left a lot... I miss you!

It's sad and hard without you!

Fresh in December: When you lack air, just open a draft in the window to breathe again.

What I'm looking for is a hint of magic, a rare spice to find!

Can you smell cinnamon and the silence of the flakes?

Outside everything is white and you are lost in the look of a cake, in the warmth of the room, in the soft and slow sparkle of many colored lights. In the decorations of the house, in what you do not expect on the street, there is a new air!

I will dwell on the scent of pine, on the red napkin in squares, on this moment of the present which, for once, I wish never to end.

The table is ready, only the magic elves are missing: the special friends you chose to spend this moment with.