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In the past few weeks I have spent several days when life and time have really weighed me down; I felt sick in both my soul and body.
It's been really hard days when you see yourself all around and struggle to find relief but don't find one.
You also lack the energy to talk to a friend or soul that isn’t there at the time, just because you’re sick and everything creates you a kind of black vision and feeling.

Evil advances, what I see and perceive in those situations where violence is used instead of self - control, respect and kindness.

Life is a story and a complex experience, but, now that I have had a few days of truce, I have the impression of feeling a new burden on my shoulders.
I listen to him, I observe him and I try to understand how he arrived and how he will come again.

A often problematic context is the family, especially if at almost 39 years of age you still live under the same roof.
On the one hand, it is fortunate because there are those who would like this fortune but have lost it; on the other, there is the need to create our own family in harmony and in line with what we are.

Under the concept of family you can space a lot: there are different types and types of families, including also those made up of friends from whom we surround ourselves.
What would life be if there were no "friends" outside the environment in which we grow?

As much as we can strive to be solitary beings, we are made to socialize; sometimes this is the source of wellbeing or malaise if something does not work.

The years pass and I see the times become harder and harder, not only for the normal course of time but also for the difficulties of the modern historical period, which almost seems to make us live less and less.

Why these thoughts, why this diary page?
My inspiration came from troubles, recently perceived weights and from reminding me that, in being sick, I no longer knew why I was sick and what could make me feel good.
When I'm sick I wonder what would make me feel better; I think it is important to ask, because it can be the first step towards an important direction: to take care of us constructively.

Why am I okay?
Why am I sick?

What can I do to get better or what could make me feel better?

In the moment of darkness it remains difficult to answer these questions because the head is full and confused, as wrapped in an annoying fog.

They make us sick bits of our history but also the contexts around us.
Similarly, what we know makes us feel good, that is, when we have already found it and it is part of our lives.
In order to say what makes us feel good, we must have experienced it at least once.

Sometimes it might be that I feel bad because I'm out of my context, I find myself in a world that's not mys, a dimension built with tunes on who I really am and that matters to me.

This year, for the first time in 38 years, I did not leave for Sardinia with my parents.
I listened to my intuition, which told me to stay, and so I discovered a holiday different from all the others: vacation at home.

I didn't get bored. I had so much to do and I could devote myself to useful things that, if I had left, I would have postponed again. I gave myself silence and tranquility, but also moments of leisure: Regenerating walks, lunches with uncles, spaces of lightness that gave color to the days.

I am living these 36 days as a special time, which will end on August 31. A parenthesis that is teaching me to be with myself, to listen to me more, to face even my fears, such as managing my eating alone.

And perhaps the real journey is not where you go, but what you learn by staying.

You don't always need to leave to discover new worlds. Sometimes you just stay and find out your own.

A curiosity:
Also this year the hawk in Sardinia last year was there.
My brother left alone and then was joined by the girl a few days later. §I was not the only one not to leave even though I already had the ticket. Among us I was the only one not to leave even after... but I think it was a positive and different summer!

I would like to tell about pleasantly green meadows that do not give allergy, enriched by centuries-old trees that offer the world their oxygen and the fresh shade so precious on a warm summer day on which to rediscover the beauty and immensity of the sky above our heads.

I would like to tell you about that summer memory on a small beach (I don’t know if it could be called a small bay) where sometimes it happens to find no one. Small and quiet with a tree that makes shade and overlooks a stretch of sea that caresses the rocks. A small stretch of sand between them allows entry into the water.

I would like to tell you about moments in the park under the shade and the fresh air of the trees, when you raise your eyes and the green fills you with an energy that the buildings cannot give us.
I would like to talk about how good it is to hear the rain coming after a long period of dryness and drought: the water is life, it refreshes and cleans the air by lighting the scents. The flowing water seems to ward off negativity and relax.

I would like to tell you about the joy of seeing the birth and development of a project that aims to improve this world and in particular humanity that sometimes tends to get lost in masks, appearances and numbers.

I would like all this and instead I listen (and I try to dialogue) with a difficult July. Now in the last few years when the heat comes the patisco and the volumes that rise in the festive period, the services that slow down, the movements and the pressures of those who are near us. Sometimes it takes a break, a quiet moment when we can feel respected (although it should always be so).

There is the need for moments when we take our spaces and in them we feel calm and undisturbed, at ease and listening and expressing ourselves.

On the phone, on TV, around me I hear increasingly catastrophic news and, in social rules, I see more and more less freedom and power (not only economic) of people. Evil tries to remove power, scare and gradually increase discomfort and then act when all are weaker.
As long as there is life there will be good somewhere and, as long as there is life evil will not have won. In all this difficulty I try to look at myself and listen to myself inside and still find a corner of well-being and comfort where I do not feel invaded.

The day follows a new day as the weeks pass and then comes The Artist, a night when you enchanted a little bit in front of the screen of a mobile phone.

A smiling face and a music that captures: voice and slow and you fly! Lights up the spark 🎇 of the talent expressed by taking by the hand the people who stopped and enchanted to listen, hum and interact with their frozen presence.

The distances are shortened through the display and the internet and, as an alternative window on the world someone can show that it is not all bad, it is not all bad, it is not all fear but there are caresses that lull, smiles that welcome, notes that light the dream.

🌟

“It’s hard to be in the world... when you lose pride“
(Mahmood – Money)

November is perhaps the month of the year that I prefer, however, for two weeks my body has been sending me signs of malaise characterized by headaches, dizziness, nausea and some other injuries.

What to do when we feel unwell and cannot help ourselves? I went to the family doctor who, however pleasant, as much as he reassures me and manages to make me feel comfortable in an environment where I am certainly never, not He managed to be of great help to me. In the following days I continued to feel unwell!

This week I would have, exceptionally, two dinners at the restaurant with a company I didn't want to lose. Energetically I wanted to get out of my shell and my salitude so, I had accepted but, the closer I got and the more I continued not to feel well!

Yesterday, around lunchtime, I called a chiropractic office, a point of reference for my mom and, I made an appointment for the afternoon. In the past few days, the family doctor felt the possibility of having tensions and contractions in the neck and back area and, thinking about it, I had and I have also a knee pain.

My car had been stationary for days, I also postponed twice the dental hygiene that has now been rescheduled in mid-December. I never left the house again. Where am I going? What do I do? My world is my room and my space here... because outside I feel and live only discomfort and lack of freedom to express myself.

It's a complicated world, even if the web is!

Having arrived in the studio of chiropractica I found a welcoming and energetically particular environment starting from the reception and energy of the secretary. I was placed in a small room for a short wait and, to my surprise, after a while came a male voice that I did not expect.

So I met a gentle face and eyes that welcomed me a second time, they briefly questioned me and listened to me and then started the session: a journey to relaxation and awareness, I would say.

I find it hard to explain what happens when you lie on that bed. Tummy down, riding and then sitting. In some moments when you are belly down it seems to fly over a blanket of white clouds, read.

The minutes go by and it seems to feel that as you get a greater awareness of your body, of yourself. It seems to see a tent open gently in which there were some aspects that you did not care about and now they are there, talking to you.

There is not only you but there is also the good energy of the person who is treating you. Loneliness disappears and a certain desire is voiced to find a way, perhaps that of one's own place in the world.

After the session I returned home and in the evening I managed to face the exit to the restaurant. Tonight I should have the second appointment (at the restaurant) and in the new week that will come back to the practice studio. Let’s try to take a little care of ourselves if, I need to find even a shred of well-being.

During my brief chat with the chiropractic boy, the question of this company came up: what do you do or what do you do? My answer is that I have been unemployed for quite some time and the truth is that work, as well as the world outside my room, makes me feel enormously uncomfortable.

Here is the meaning of the phrase quoted at the beginning of my writing; without work, without employment it is difficult to understand the position in this world and pride may be a little lacking. For many work is equal to dignity, autonomy. For many it is the identification of an important part of one’s self, perhaps because it should be one’s own art and passion to express oneself while instead often it is not. Perhaps work should be the expression of something that makes us feel good and not bad as it is carved in my head.

Money, money, and more money in this company. There is thirst for money and power. Appearance... appearance that I felt yesterday. This world has distorted me a bit, I have let myself be turned around in relation to what is really important.

It is time to move some energy without fear because it must be something beautiful to be able to rediscover and find again. Beware that maybe we can change clothes because the ones we wear belong to an energetic past that is to be changed again like a wetsuit that needs to be left behind.

Humanity and energy (those good against evil), here is the path that can make me feel better!