These days see me face some difficulties that are both common, and at the same time unique, particular and experienced in my own way in my particular history and in my particular way of being.
In addition to my understanding, out of the world.
I could leave for a few days and get away from this place that, sees almost every similar day and lived in my solitude of my little space always surrounded by the same people, but I probably will not leave. It seems so complicated that in the end I get nervous because the complications of "not feeling like I'm in control of the journey" are added to my fears and difficulties, whether I move or approach something new or almost.
I am little friend of this economy that governs us, which like a point system made of prizes and punishments, sees easy exits every day and, on the opposite side, elusive entrances. I feel bad at meeting what others are asking for, what people commonly call their needs.
My interiority leads me to live everything with a magnifying glass: each pixel is searched and verified. How do I feel inside this economic system? Not good.
How am I doing? I think it's bad even if someone could judge the opposite according to his "personal" point of view. I just don't work, I'm not autonomous with income. In the world I don't feel much room to express myself in fact I do it virtually in a blog that, I can still feel like a house not too governed by other people's rules.
In addition to my understanding, out of the world.
In times of difficulty I occasionally wonder where the protections and defenses are for people. It advertises much gratuitousness but in the end everything costs, everything has a price, even the defense and for me, when this becomes a product / service to sell loses accessibility and from a right becomes a privilege. From a value it becomes a force exercise where the strongest wins and who decides... and sometimes you lose even if you feel you are totally right.
Sometimes I can think of the song "Dear Friend I write you" sung by Lucio Dalla. I wish I could write to a friend or a friend. To a more welcoming planet and less in operation of economy, power. One over the other. Perhaps it is just an imagination because it is difficult to determine how one can judge and yet we all want and feel in our own way that we are right and who knows, perhaps in his own way everyone has it. Difficult to eliminate judgment because without how and who would say who has or is not right? Judgment is often abused and misused when used to denigrate someone or something we do not know.
How am I living my days? Good, bad?
In my not working I have much time to reflect, to dialogue with myself, to listen and to listen. Maybe I'm not taking enough care of myself because the things that revolve around me don't turn well and both our body and soul record trauma. It would be nice to let them slide without getting hurt but it's not that simple!
I notice many things even though, I perceive that, not always from the outside may seem the same. Relationships with others are complicated, both in the family and outside. Who really knows us but us?
Someone can tell us something, it can fascinate us, dazzle us but then there is to understand if the story that has been illustrated to us is true because sometimes even a friendly face comes to drag us into the ravine.
In addition to my understanding, out of the world.
I'm hearing a lot of wrong things these days.
Justice seems more like an illusion that is sometimes given just to keep us from going crazy but many times there are things that should be right and that are not recognized.
There are so many little tricks to fool where everything is okay or to defend yourself you should not know what efforts to make and how much you should expose yourself economically and not.
I feel the perception of the difficult. Maybe it's easier for the powerful to explain that it's actually easy. This is how you do it: spend a little bit of here and spend a little bit of there, do as our team does. Obey, spend and you will have but only if we grant you the right to defend yourself.
Today I am a bit like this, with the feeling of so many injustices and justice that seems more like an illusion to me and to which I express myself:
In addition to my understanding, out of the world.
The more I think about it, the more I try to explain these thoughts and experiences I'm experiencing these days, the more I realize that all this seems to be out of my understanding.
